Occupied (At Open Sea)

Dearest ______,

I had to fill up some paperwork today. Adult stuff. It felt weird, having to let my pen hover above blank spaces longer than I’d been used to for years. I only say “weird” because a better-fitting adjective escapes me at the moment. Bizarre? Surreal? Unreal?

For the first time in a couple of months, someone’s finally asked me what I actually do. Granted that someone just happened to be a piece of paper. Nonetheless, there was more weight in one word than all the conversations I’ve had to make this past two months: “OCCUPATION” screamed a little louder than before, coming from one inquisitive document. As my hand unwittingly went up and down, the empty lines seemed to demand an answer: are you Casually Employed? Self-Employed? Unemployed? A Quasi-architect? Would-be-florist? Semi-housewife?

Suddenly it hit me, how I’ve always had to justify myself– who I am, at least– by what I do for a living. For many years, I’ve been resolutely, most assuredly, a working Architect. And now with this, the current state of career flux that I find myself in, nothing seems to buoy me. As with being at open sea, the fluidity has been exciting me and challenging me and even threatening the very idea of “ME”. Only today, with pieces of paper expectantly waiting for answers, someone just seemed to suddenly check on me like an impatient sea mate: “Where are we going, Captain? Where are we? Are we there yet?”

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And to that, I finally say:

“I know where we’re going. And I trust what’s out there. We look up the stars not only for direction but their beautiful solace, knowing how this journey will not be short nor always this smooth-sailing.

But we just need to keep on going.”

I tick more than two boxes on the bloody pieces of paper.

Love,

Karlita

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Photography and text by Author unless otherwise stated. All rights reserved.

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